Dear Eating Disorder (“ED”):
It’s Saturday, July 4, 2009.
The 4th of July. Independence Day.
I just wanted to drop you a note, ED, to let you know my beautiful daughter, though not independent of you yet, will be. I promise you that. And I can’t wait until we can celebrate her Eating Disorder Independence Day. It will be more important to me than the 4th of July.
And I’m working for and praying that millions and millions and millions of other women and men, girls and boys, will also declare their own Eating Disorder Independence Day soon. Very soon.
You Are Not Welcome
You are not welcome in our lives.
You are not wanted.
We’ve never met personally, you and me, ED. And I confess that as hard as I’ve tried to understand you and figure out how you weasel your way into vulnerable people’s lives, manipulate them, and ultimately take control of not only what they do but who they are, I still don’t feel like I know you at all.
10 Reasons I Hate You
Even though I don’t really know you, ED, based on what I have seen and experienced of you, manifested through my daughter, here’s a short list of only 10 of the innumerable things I do know about you and that make me hate you with all my heart and soul:
· You’re a sneaky son-of-a-bitch. You took over my daughter’s life without warning, slowly, stealthily, and in many disguises so neither she nor I even noticed it until it was too late. Way too late. But we’re on to you now.
· You’re a coward. You preyed on my daughter when she was in her most vulnerable state. You want to fight fair? Prove you’re strong? Come on…see if you can take over my life. Any time, any place, buster.
· You lie. Somehow and in ways that are beyond my comprehension, you convinced my daughter you were her friend. Someone who would comfort and console her when all you really wanted to do was control her, make her miserable, and eventually kill her.
· You cheat. Well…of course you cheat. You cheated my daughter out of what should have been some of the most wonderful, fulfilling, happiest, and most joyful years of her life. You cheated our whole family out of the joy and pleasure we should have been sharing with her during that time and turned those years into years of tears, fighting, arguing, anguish, and heartache.
· You lurk. My daughter is getting better right now I think. I believe. I hope. She’s learned what an evil, nasty s.o.b. you are and is fighting like hell to get you out of her life. But I know you’ll lurk. As she’s getting stronger you’ll still be slinking around. Sneaking. Waiting. You’ll let her think she’s gotten rid of you, but you’ll still be lurking. Waiting for her to have another tough time in her life when she’s feeling weak and vulnerable. When her self confidence is ebbing. When her self image is deflated. When she feels out of control of her life. You’ll still be furtively skulking around there hoping to get back into her life. To take over her life. But be on notice, ED. I’ll be there, too, this time. So be prepared because you’re going to have your hands full.
· You’re greedy. You want my daughter all to yourself. I’m her dad and I’m not greedy with her, so why in the heck are you? I don’t expect her to love me and me alone. Or to spend all of her time only with me. I want her to have friends…you alienate her from her friends. I want her to love and spend time with her sister and mom and other family members…you want her to worship you and you alone. I want her to find a soul mate to share her life with if that suits her…but you, you greedy bastard, want to have everything exclusively in your power to capture, control, and keep her all for yourself. It ain’t gonna happen any more.
· You’re cruel. Not only did you willfully and knowingly cause my daughter unimaginable mental and physical pain and suffering, but I think you enjoyed the distress you caused. And worse, you made her act in such deceitful and hurtful ways towards those she loves the most, that her actions and attitudes caused us indescribable pain and suffering, too. And I’m sure you took great pride and enjoyment from that collateral damage, didn’t you? Never again, however. We’ve got your number now.
· You’re evil. I’m not saying you’re Satan, but perhaps you are. If so, I wouldn’t be surprised. At least some manifestation of Satan because while in your grasp and control you turned a sweet, kind, loving, honest young woman into a lying, deceitful, unpleasant, angry, and very unhappy person. Drinking alcohol to excess. Hiding food. Destroying her health. Ignoring her friends or mistreating them. Lying to me, her mom, and her sister quite regularly. I think only evil in its purest form could have done that to my sweet daughter. I know it wasn’t her. But she’s coming back. She’s recovering. So watch out.
· You’re manipulative. I really, really hate you for this. You’d never talk to me or those close to my daughter directly or even honestly. You never showed yourself to us. Rather you manipulated her so your words and your actions came through her. You manipulated her like she was your personal puppet. The part I hate most about that is that although you were the cause, she’s the one who had to suffer the consequences. While all the while you sat back laughing and having a grand old time, huh? She’s the one who I scolded and lectured about lying. She’s the one who had to put up with my constant harangues about getting control of herself and getting her health back. She’s the one who had to clean the sides of the highway for days on end after you and your cousin alcohol got her in trouble for driving under the influence. She’s the one who you manipulated right to the very brink of death by starvation. She’s the one who had to go into treatment isolated and alone where her bathroom visits were monitored and she woke up every day to a scale and blood pressure cuff. She’s the one who lost privileges when you manipulated her to “accidentally” knock food off of her plate. It was her arms that were riddled with needles for innumerable blood tests. It was her throat that was raw from the feeding tubes. It was you who made her “accidentally” cough those feeding tubes out of her body more than once – and lie about it. But we’re ready for your manipulative tactics now. She and I are ready. And the rest of the family, too. More aware. Better informed. Better armed. Stronger. United.
· Generally, you’re disgusting. Before you came into my daughter’s life she was quite delightful in every way. You, on the other hand, are monumentally disgusting in every way. Your devious and immoral ways are detestable. You literally sicken those whose lives you enter, like my daughter, both physically and mentally, and you also sicken and cause revulsion in those whose lives they touch when under your influence. Although those under your spell may think they want to keep you in their lives, once they grasp how disgusting you really are, they can’t wait to get rid of you. And we dads and moms and all the others who have loved ones that you’re influencing can’t wait to get rid of you either and we’re willing to try anything to get your disgusting presence out of and away from our daughters, sons, sisters, and brothers. Anything.
That’s just a quick, off the top of my head glimpse, ED, of what I think about you.
I just thought it was fair that you know.
Eating Disorder Independence Day
Even though my daughter is only in the early stages of her recovery, there is no doubt in my mind that one of these days she will declare complete Independence from you.
She will have her Eating Disorder Independence Day.
I don’t know exactly when she’ll declare that joyous event. That’s up to her with support from me, her mom and sister, and her treatment team. But she will.
Sure, you’ll be lurking in the recesses of her mind, body, and soul. But we’re on to you now, so if you’re smart, you’ll forget about my daughter. You might as well move on.
Oh, and by the way, ED, if through my blog and website and speaking and writing about Eating Disorders and Eating Disorder Awareness combined with all of the other wonderful people working for your obliteration we, united, have anything to say about it, you might as well give up the fight right now. We’ll not let you win. No way, no how.
Our goal is to put everyone now suffering from any sort of Eating Disorder on track for their own Eating Disorder Independence Day. We’re going to support them and their families and friends and share our knowledge, experiences, and strength. We’re in it for the long haul and our numbers and perseverance are growing.
So today, ED, I hereby declare my own Eating Disorder Independence Day on behalf of all sufferers, those in recovery, and, especially my daughter.
Independence won’t be actualized for all of them today…but their days will come.
Happy Eating Disorder Independence Day everyone!
Respectfully Submitted -- Dexter Godbey -- Dexter@DadEDs.com